Lyrics:

(Violent J)
Hey, hey..I, um, I still have a problem...if it's ok with them...you know, them
The Dark Carnival in general
It's the whole stabbin' thing again.
See I uh,

I stab people like everyday folks
Skinny people, any people, I chop off their throats
My stabbings are ninja-like, there quick pfft hey!
By the time you feel it I'm like three blocks away
I stabbed the newspaper guy and took his little truck
Now I stab people and drive away
I'm like putt putt putt putt
I do a show and stab people at the same time
I stab bear cages security guards in the back of the neck
I love Waffle House, I stab people there
They're so shitty and dumpy they don't even care
I love stabbin' people, Def Leopard remember them?
Well I cut their fuckin drummers arm off, you can ask 'em
Lyor Cohen, The president of Island
I'm at a business meeting with him
I'm looking at him I'm smiling
I jumped up to stab him but he kicked my ass
Seventeenth floor they threw me out through the glass

(Chorus)
Help Me
(Fuck you)
Fuckin help me
(Fuck you)
I need you to help me
(Fuck you)
Somebody come and help me
(Fuck you)

Jehovah's Witnesses, I swear man I love em
They're standing out on the porch, knockin
I'm waiting above 'em
Puncture wound victims right to my door
Come back, mothafucker, I'll stab you some more
One time I was a wrestler I wrestled the best
I got kicked out, though, I had a knife in my spandex
I stabbed Tony Schiovanne, the commentator guy
Before the match, I went to shake his hand,
But I stabbed him in the eye
I stabbed Norman Smiley in the middle of a match
He was like, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Fuckin' relax!"
I stabbed him again and again
I jumped out and ran
Everybody chase me, catch me if you can!
I tried to stab my own brother, bad news for my health
He twisted my arm back, I ended up stabbing myself
I stab cabby drivers right through the thick glass
Ginsu built to last, can you help?

(Repeat 2x)
Slice 'em up, Slice 'em down
side to side and all around
They dont help, the dont care
Ginsu swingin everywhere

I saved up my money and went to see the Lilith fair
I started stabbing lesbians,
there was millions of them there
I took off my thong and jumped in the pit
But there wasn't any pit, it was only me and that was it
But so what,... I was throwin myself all over the floor
Sarah Mclachlan was on stage, I said, "you fuckin whore!"
One time I met Slipknot, I stabbed there ass
Stabbed them all in the face, that's why they where masks
My little newspaper truck runs on a tank of blood
I drive with my lights off all through my neighborhood
but it's so hard to sneak because of the muffler
I hate that fucker
I did a song with Three 6 Mafia, them guys are the shit
We went to their studio and I started rockin' it
After the session, they all left out of there
But I stayed behind and stabbed the engineer

(Chorus)
Help Me
(Fuck you)
Ya Gotta help me
(Fuck you)
I need you to help me
(Fuck you)
Muthafuckin' help me
(Fuck you)
Naw fuck you
(Fuck you)
Fuck all of you
(Fuck you)
You better fuckin help me
(Fuck you)
help me, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(Repeat 2x)
Slice 'em up, Slice 'em down
side to side and all around
They dont help, the dont care
Ginsu swingin everywhere