Lyrics:

[Intro]
Yeah, yeah
Three stories for y'all, all the same ending
Death in a horrendous way
Why? Why, man?
Tell me why
Fifty million horrendous ways to die out here
Why? Why?
Ooh ooh ooh

[Verse 1]
Jeff and his little brother Stewie were crazy
Colorado kids, outdoor explorers, nothing lazy
Jeff's back from the Navy, Stewie's having a baby
'Member crawling through them caves, Stewie? Yeah
It's amazing we ain't kill ourselves, what, the shit was the best
Belly sliding through tunnels, blow all thе air out your chest
Just to squeeze through, we usеd to go deep in them caves
In fact, let's go again tomorrow like it was the old days
He didn't wanna, but for Jeff's honor, they scaled the fence
And crawled in, hella tense, already the air's dense
That way makes no sense, Jeff, look, you're headed down
Yeah, but I can't back up, I think I'm stuck, I need to turn around
If I just squeeze on ahead, I'm sure there's room for me to do that
Fuck! Dead end! I'm wedged in! I blew that
Stewie, get help! Legs above, his head can't hardly breathe
Hours later, cops in a rescue team arrive on the scene
Jeffrey, we're gonna need to break your legs to try to wedge you from the rock
But you could die from the painful shock, we need your consent, we're on the clock
Oh, and the angle you're in is drowning your brain in blood
We need to start, ooh, never mind, his heart just beat its last thud, clear out!

[Chorus]
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)

[Verse 2]
Jamie and Dave were in some serious love
In fact, Dave sold out his boys for that shit, fuckin' scrub
Two years of lovin' in a Love Bug and a lot of hut tubbin' lovin'
And after all that pluggin' nubbin', she plucked a bun out the oven and hugged him
And on this lovely day, Jamie said let's walk by the [?]
And get our feet wet, if the waves too big, I'll jump in your arms
They said fuck it, parked his bucket, walked the deck and jumped in
The water should've been ankle deep, but to they knees they sunk in
Jamie say, "Oh shit, babe, this nasty, why's the bottom so mushy?
I'm sinkin' all the way through, damn near to the crack of my pussy, help me"
Dave said, "see, you're gettin' big!" She said, "Fuck you, I'm serious
Help me get this leg out first, swim under and unbury it"
They finally got her right leg out, it took all their might
But now her left leg is fuckin' sunk even deeper, air tight
Dave ran for help, 'cause now the water's fuckin' up to her waist
The tide's comin' in, once it does, it'll be up over her face
Ninjas ran up to help, her leg is stuck, the water's risin'
The cops are strategizing, fuck, she could die, they're realizing
They found a plastic tube for her to snorkel through as she went under
Would've been a long night, but she panicked and drowned, no wonder

[Chorus]
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)

[Verse 3]
Pip was a trip, a viral daredevil risk taker
No kind of faker, the illest stunts he make up record breaker
Ain't no challenge he won't take up, most of his shelves awards they make up
Nobody alive misses his livestreams, even the dead wake up
He earns a livin' killin' his competitions and thrillin' his exhibitions
Is he willin' it, ask magicians, drillin' 'em groupies, mad positions
His superstitious premonition to keep killin' his every mission
It's his executive decision to keep collectin' mad admissions
Pip would scale the tallest skyscrapers and hang off the sides
And then incredibly he'd do three chin-ups all while streamin' live
The chin-ups were his trademark, what set him aside from the rest
He'd do 'em live on the edge of death while the fans at home held they breath
One slip and it's over, but it hadn't happened though 'cause Pip's the man
Then he got the challenge to scale the tallest building in Japan
Off he went, a miniature King Kong, scaling up the edge
He reached the top, exhausted, and wiped the rain off the ledge
Wiped it again and went for it, hung off the side, arms extended
Did his three chin-ups splendidly, but then he couldn't end it
Out of gas, he hung for a minute, what he think when he peep below
He heard a whimper, did he slip or let go?
Psh, what's it matter though?

[Chorus]
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)
Why do so many end it all in horrendous ways?
How do even good folks fall in horrendous ways?
Tell me why great lives end in horrendous ways
Horrendous ways (In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways)

[Outro]
In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways
In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways
In horrendous ways, in horrendous ways
In horrendous ways, horrendous ways